Fabio nailed by goose

I don't know why, but recently I was reminded of my all-time favorite news story:

"RUN-IN WITH A BIRD SPOILS FABIO'S BUSCH GARDENS VISIT" by Meredity Cohn and Lane DeGregory, The Virginian-Pilot, March 31, 1999

The goddesses were gasping and wiping blood off their faces. Their god, Fabio, was clutching his perfect Roman nose. He'd been bashed by a bird. On Tuesday morning, the male supermodel was supposed to ''drive'' Apollo's Chariot over shiny purple tracks past two dozen reporters and about 30 fifth-graders from Williamsburg. He was supposed to embody the Greek god of the sun. He was supposed to look pretty in the front row of Busch Gardens' newest roller coaster. Instead, he stepped stunned, bloodied and bruised off the coaster and onto the freshly painted platform.

About 30 volunteer goddesses in white tunics tied with gold ropes climbed out after him. Theme park employees rushed in with wet paper towels. An army of polo-shirt-clad staffers herded journalists back as fast as they could. The goddesses were not allowed to comment. Some people were clearly unsure whether the blood was real or part of a stunt. Minutes later, a park spokeswoman announced that ''an unidentified'' bird had collided with Fabio's face. She said there was a 1-inch cut that needed no stitches across the romance novel frontman's million-dollar mug. He was taken to Williamsburg Community Hospital, where he was treated and released. Fabio then canceled more than 20 satellite interviews scheduled for that afternoon, skipped an appearance at the theme park's evening party and flew home to Southern California. ''It was an act of nature, if you would,'' Joe Fincher, the park's executive vice president, told the startled crowd. As for the bird, there were no signs of it near the coaster. No carcass. No feathers. ''I imagine that bird disintegrated,'' Fincher said.

Busch Gardens officials had been planning this moment for almost a year. The sunny, 60-degree morning couldn't have been more perfect. Workers rolled a red carpet through the theme park's Festa Italia section to welcome press and onlookers. At about 10 a.m., Fabio emerged from behind potted palms. He wore a diamond stud in his left ear, black leather pants and a Busch Gardens denim shirt embroidered with the roller coaster logo. After wrapping a regal velvet cape around his massive shoulders, he climbed onto the stage and took his place in Apollo's gold and blue throne. ''I want to welcome all of you to my Apollo's Chariot,'' said the 6-foot-3 demigod. ''Let's have some fun.''

The incident occurred on the first of nine drops, as the ride - which hits a top speed of 73 mph - was taking a 210-foot dive. Fabio still had most of the two-minute ride left. Park officials maintained that no rider had ever been hit by a bird before. Public relations manager Deborah DeMarco called it a fluke.

As medics escorted Fabio away from the commotion, a fervent fan desperately tried to get a staffer to sneak in a birthday card she had brought for him. The Italian-born Fabio Lanzoni turned 38 on March 15.

Several thrill-seekers got out of line when they saw the blood, but the fifth-graders had no fear. They hopped right on after Fabio was fowled. From the windows of their school bus, they had watched Apollo's Chariot being built for months. Officials invited the students and their teacher to the ride's dedication Tuesday, four days after the park opened for the season. The fifth-graders squealed and danced around after coming off the coaster. One boy bragged, ''I peed in my pants.''

A press release handed out Tuesday morning promised that the ride was ''a tale of adventure like no other. What many consider as just a popular myth turns frighteningly real at Busch Gardens.

''Especially for Fabio.

In my memory, the blood-spattered goddesses were Rockettes. I guess that would be too perfect.